When I was younger, I wasn't the cool one. I wasn't the pretty one. I wasn't the friendly one. I was most certainly not the athletic one. I was the smart one. I won writing contests (The prize for a 2nd grade writing contest was a HUGE Easter bunny. I took it home. Be jealous.). I got A's. My handwriting skills were impressive - case in point, I was known as the "typewriter" by some kids in middle school. (And I promise this was actually a complement and not something the cool kids called me before throwing me head-first into the lunch room trash can.)
(image via)
Oddly enough, this "smart" title didn't drive me to despair. In fact, it was quite the contrary. I took this title and ran with it. I ran with it through elementary school, through middle school, through high school, and brought it with me to my college dorm room. Occasionally, I longed to be better at something more socially acceptable (especially music - how I wish I could sing well!), but at the end of the day, I was content. The Lord placed wonderful friends in my life along the way (I remain confident that these friends are much the result of fervent prayers by my parents. They knew the "smart ones" still needed friends!).
I fully anticipated that once I graduated from college, I would be appreciated. In the corporate world (or the non-profit world), it's your skills, your brain, your Type A personality that are marks of greatness - right?
Unfortunately, along the way, I seem to have forgotten that it's not all about me. Apparently, there are other smart(er) and (more) capable people in the world. I may not be the only person who can run an effective project team or create a well-written document. It doesn't mean I'm incapable or stupid, but it does mean that I don't always know what's best or right.
Hello, pride! When did you decide to rear your ugly head?
Recently, my current circumstances have taught me the importance of being humble, of exercising meekness in my daily life. I'm continuing to develop those things, and I know it's a life-long process and something I simply can't do on my own. I still get frustrated and think, "I deserve better." If only! I've been given so much, and I deserve none of it. I work with great people. I have a supportive husband and church family.
I don't have to be the best. I shouldn't expect to be the best. It only breeds frustration, inadequecy, discontent - nothing I want to represent. Instead, I want to remember what it's really all about.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires." Galations 5: 22 - 24
I was that kid in school, too - but I got called the walking talking dictionary, and I was told my handwriting looked like its own font.
ReplyDeleteI've run into the same realization - I am not the smartest person on campus. I shouldn't expect myself to be. I would argue that I shouldn't even want myself to be. Thanks for this post - it's a good reminder that it is not about us, it's all about God!
We must be long-lost twins - born a few years apart. =) (Thank you.)
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